Well, it's been about 3 weeks since I had the opportunity to weigh myself. It's been crazy busy and one of those weeks we traveled for Thanksgiving.
So today I made the trek in to get weighed, and lets just say that I was a little nervous. Even though I felt as though I really behaved during our Thanksgiving Celebration, I as not as diligent in cataloging everything that I ate over that week.
I'm ecstatic to report that today at my weigh in I found that I had lost.......
10 Pounds!
Booya!
Was I excited? You better believe it! I am now lighter than I have been in over 12 years!
So the grand total is a loss of 40 pounds since August (30 pounds since I went public with it on my birthday, September 11th).
I worked out every day but one when we were on vacation...yeah I know, crazy, huh?
After a 12 hour car ride I hit the treadmill at 10:30 at night for a mile and a half walk at 3 miles p/hr.
I have to admit, I hardly recognize the guy I'm becoming, but I'm really looking forward to meeting him!
Peace,
E
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The "Dark Passenger"
For the last several weeks now, Lisa and I have become hooked on the Showtime Emmy winning series called Dexter. The writing of the show, combined with the complex emotions of the human struggle between good and evil can make for some fairly compelling television.
With that said, now let me just say at the outset that the show is rather graphic in nature and would probably carry a strong “PG-13” or even “R” rating if it was a movie. So parents, and adults, consider yourself strongly cautioned.
The show chronicles the life of one Dexter Morgan, a man who, as a child, witnessed his mothers brutal murder, and as a result of that event, it has significantly changed his life.
As a result, Dexter has grown into a sociopath; a serial killer with a conscience of sorts. Wrestling with what he calls his “Dark Passenger” this haunting drive to do “bad” things, he made a decision long ago to use his liability as a tool for, well, I guess one could call it “good” but I’m not sure that’s what I’d call it.
You see what Dexter does - and yes, he is an active serial killer - is kill evil (bad) people.
His keen mind and his “killer” instincts have landed him a job as a “Blood Spatter Analyst” for the Miami Police department. And, though his job, he has access to the records of the dark criminally evil underworld of the streets of Miami.
As one gets sucked into the show you begin to notice, after several episodes, that you find yourself, well, rooting for a serial killer. You begin to see in Dexter a sense and or presence of justice. The “code” he has chosen to live by prevents him from doing any harm to a truly innocent person. However, if you are an evil murderous person who has taken innocent life, Dexter then might be right on your tail.
One of the brilliant tools that the writers have introduced is this idea that I mentioned above: this "dark passenger." For Dexter the "dark passenger" is this inborn need to take life. It is a need that could be, if left unchecked, extremely destructive. Yet Dexter has managed to controls its primal instinct for good; for taking out bad guys, those who have succumbed to evil.
I think all of us have a "dark passenger." All of us have that part of our psyche or soul that would seek to lead us to do that which is least beneficial to ourselves or to others.
For some that "dark passenger" is alcohol addiction. For others, it is drugs. Still for others its sex, or shopping, or coveting, stealing or even hoarding.
For me, my "dark passenger" is an unhealthy relationship with food. My "dark passenger" entices me to cope with life, to sooth the stress of the day, to deny what's really going on at a deeper level, with food.
And I refused to let it win.
Like Dexter, I have come to keep mine in check with a "code;" a distinct commitment to make the lifestyle, emotional and spiritual adaptations necessary to overcome my interior break or weakness.
This week my "dark passenger" has been particularly LOUD.
I haven't been to the gym yet this week. This is the first time since mid-September. I've been sick and well, miserable. I've had a fever every night this past week except for last night. So I have listened to my body and rested a bit more. But I've been so afraid that this is it; that finally I've given up and won't go back. Now I know this isn't true but it sure feels like it.
My "dark passenger" has been attempting to convince me to "give up, let it go," and has even suggested that the "old way" was the better way.
But...I...refuse....to...let...him...win!
I've probably driven my wife nuts this week with my concerns that I haven't gone to the gym. I'm still eating well; I'm still keeping that part of the plan. But I'm terrified of going back to the "old way." I even asked my wife last night, " does my face look fatter? Does it look like I've gained weight?" To which she replied, "no."
I'm committed to making sure that my "dark passenger" doesn't win. What about you?
P.S. I plan to be back at the gym in the morning.
With that said, now let me just say at the outset that the show is rather graphic in nature and would probably carry a strong “PG-13” or even “R” rating if it was a movie. So parents, and adults, consider yourself strongly cautioned.
The show chronicles the life of one Dexter Morgan, a man who, as a child, witnessed his mothers brutal murder, and as a result of that event, it has significantly changed his life.
As a result, Dexter has grown into a sociopath; a serial killer with a conscience of sorts. Wrestling with what he calls his “Dark Passenger” this haunting drive to do “bad” things, he made a decision long ago to use his liability as a tool for, well, I guess one could call it “good” but I’m not sure that’s what I’d call it.
You see what Dexter does - and yes, he is an active serial killer - is kill evil (bad) people.
His keen mind and his “killer” instincts have landed him a job as a “Blood Spatter Analyst” for the Miami Police department. And, though his job, he has access to the records of the dark criminally evil underworld of the streets of Miami.
As one gets sucked into the show you begin to notice, after several episodes, that you find yourself, well, rooting for a serial killer. You begin to see in Dexter a sense and or presence of justice. The “code” he has chosen to live by prevents him from doing any harm to a truly innocent person. However, if you are an evil murderous person who has taken innocent life, Dexter then might be right on your tail.
One of the brilliant tools that the writers have introduced is this idea that I mentioned above: this "dark passenger." For Dexter the "dark passenger" is this inborn need to take life. It is a need that could be, if left unchecked, extremely destructive. Yet Dexter has managed to controls its primal instinct for good; for taking out bad guys, those who have succumbed to evil.
I think all of us have a "dark passenger." All of us have that part of our psyche or soul that would seek to lead us to do that which is least beneficial to ourselves or to others.
For some that "dark passenger" is alcohol addiction. For others, it is drugs. Still for others its sex, or shopping, or coveting, stealing or even hoarding.
For me, my "dark passenger" is an unhealthy relationship with food. My "dark passenger" entices me to cope with life, to sooth the stress of the day, to deny what's really going on at a deeper level, with food.
And I refused to let it win.
Like Dexter, I have come to keep mine in check with a "code;" a distinct commitment to make the lifestyle, emotional and spiritual adaptations necessary to overcome my interior break or weakness.
This week my "dark passenger" has been particularly LOUD.
I haven't been to the gym yet this week. This is the first time since mid-September. I've been sick and well, miserable. I've had a fever every night this past week except for last night. So I have listened to my body and rested a bit more. But I've been so afraid that this is it; that finally I've given up and won't go back. Now I know this isn't true but it sure feels like it.
My "dark passenger" has been attempting to convince me to "give up, let it go," and has even suggested that the "old way" was the better way.
But...I...refuse....to...let...him...win!
I've probably driven my wife nuts this week with my concerns that I haven't gone to the gym. I'm still eating well; I'm still keeping that part of the plan. But I'm terrified of going back to the "old way." I even asked my wife last night, " does my face look fatter? Does it look like I've gained weight?" To which she replied, "no."
I'm committed to making sure that my "dark passenger" doesn't win. What about you?
P.S. I plan to be back at the gym in the morning.
Peace,
E
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Sick Days
Been sick the last two days.
Had a fever of 100+ both nights.
Not worked out yet this week.
I miss it and feel incredibly guilty. But, I'm trying to listen to my body.
Pray for me...
Peace,
E
Friday, November 4, 2011
Weigh Day
Yesterday was weigh day. Lost another 5 lbs. Puts me at 458. I haven't been that light in a decade!
Peace,
E
Peace,
E
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Frustrated
Today was my two week weigh in. So, as usual I made my way to the office. I expected another significant loss but turns out I gained 3/4 if a pound!
WHAT!?!?!
I've been sticking to plan near flawlessly. Working out 1 1/2 hrs 4-5 days a week!
I felt Cheated.
I felt Angry.
I felt Discouraged.
But I'm determined to stay the course. Continue to get up at 5 am to hit the gym. Continue to count every calorie.
Today was just that....one day. It does not determine my future.
Peace,
E
WHAT!?!?!
I've been sticking to plan near flawlessly. Working out 1 1/2 hrs 4-5 days a week!
I felt Cheated.
I felt Angry.
I felt Discouraged.
But I'm determined to stay the course. Continue to get up at 5 am to hit the gym. Continue to count every calorie.
Today was just that....one day. It does not determine my future.
Peace,
E
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Caloric Intake
Thought I'd try to enter a snapshot of my calorie count each day from MyFitnessPal iPhone app. Here's Fridays:
Peace,
E
Peace,
E
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Weigh Day
It's time for my two-week weigh in......and......wait for it.....
I LOST 11.3 lbs!!!
Peace,
E
I LOST 11.3 lbs!!!
Peace,
E
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The Drive
Been really enjoying the drive into the gym. At 5:20 am it's dark and there isn't anyone on the road. It's a great time to get centered and focused on the day ahead.
I began going 3 days a week, went to 4, and this week will go 5.
My food intake is going great! And I continue to come in daily under my calorie intake goals.
Peace,
E
I began going 3 days a week, went to 4, and this week will go 5.
My food intake is going great! And I continue to come in daily under my calorie intake goals.
Peace,
E
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
30 Days On The Wagon
Well it's been 30 full days since I've adopted this new lifestyle. I gotta say, I don't really remember a time in recent memory where I've felt better!
I'm not on a diet! I'm rewiring my attachments to food. This is something I will be doing permanently.
So if you ask me if I'm on a diet, I'll say, "Nope!"
Peace,
E
I'm not on a diet! I'm rewiring my attachments to food. This is something I will be doing permanently.
So if you ask me if I'm on a diet, I'll say, "Nope!"
Peace,
E
Ouch
Well today I began my routine at the gym at - gulp - 5:45 am. Actually I felt pretty good getting up to go. It was helpful knowing I was meeting my buddy John there.
I did the treadmill for 20-25 min and then was pleasantly surprised to get to work with a trainer who set up some weight training goals.
Right after I got off the treadmill he said, "now let's start by going over and doing some crunches."
Crunches!?!?!
I tend to carry more of a "keg" than a "6-pack." But, I did three sets of ten. That's 30 more than I've done in the last 15 years!
He went on to set up an upper and lower body routine and let's just say that tonight, I hurt. It's a good hurt though. And, believe it or not, I'm looking forward to Thursdays workout!
Peace,
E
I did the treadmill for 20-25 min and then was pleasantly surprised to get to work with a trainer who set up some weight training goals.
Right after I got off the treadmill he said, "now let's start by going over and doing some crunches."
Crunches!?!?!
I tend to carry more of a "keg" than a "6-pack." But, I did three sets of ten. That's 30 more than I've done in the last 15 years!
He went on to set up an upper and lower body routine and let's just say that tonight, I hurt. It's a good hurt though. And, believe it or not, I'm looking forward to Thursdays workout!
Peace,
E
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Cheat Day
Today's my cheat day. I had a small vanilla cone and opted for a small fry with my Southwest Chicken salad (without dressing) at McD's. Never has ice cream and fries tasted so good! I was proud though of having only the small one, even though I would have gladly bobbed my face in the vat of grease to consume them all (well, not really!).
Still though, my lunch was only 670 calories which is still pretty respectable.
Peace,
E
Still though, my lunch was only 670 calories which is still pretty respectable.
Peace,
E
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Gimme Somethin' Sweet!!!
Great day, although I really wanted something sweet all day. But I didn't give in!
Peace,
E
Peace,
E
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Rockin' Day
I know I haven't posted in a few days, but I'm still here! Doing really well too. Things have been a bit nuts but I'll offer a bigger post later in the week!
Check those numbers out!
Peace,
E
Check those numbers out!
Peace,
E
Friday, September 9, 2011
Another Good Day
New habits are getting easier. Still some tough moments but overall things are going great.
Met with a nutritionist yesterday for a refresher that was helpful.
Looking forward to my first meeting with my therapist next week.
Peace,
E
Met with a nutritionist yesterday for a refresher that was helpful.
Looking forward to my first meeting with my therapist next week.
Peace,
E
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Haven't Fallen Of the Wagon
I haven't fallen off the wagon. I've just been traveling fit a few days. It's hard to eat right in the road but I think I did pretty well. Details coming soon.
Peace,
E
Peace,
E
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Interesting...
Just doing some rough math, it's taken me three days to eat the total among of calories that I probably used to eat in one day! WTH!?!?!
DANG! That's whack!
Peace,
E
DANG! That's whack!
Peace,
E
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Ugh!
Much tougher day today! Probably the hardest yet. I wanted something fried or gooey. But, I didn't give in...and still under goal! Booya!
Peace,
E
Peace,
E
Spiritual Direction
Just made my first appointment to see a spiritual director/therapist. I'm planning on tackling some issues head on!
The pieces of the puzzle are coming together.
Peace,
E
The pieces of the puzzle are coming together.
Peace,
E
"Fit & Alive by 45"
This is my new mantra: "Fit & Alive by 45"
In a few short weeks I will be 42 years old. I have spent the last major portion of that time punishing my body by finding solace and companionship in unhealthy eating patterns.
There is a backstory to all this that I will share in time and as I feel led.
But I am committed to undoing, by the time I'm 45, that which I've taken almost 42 years to do. I so want the "back nine" of my life to be different that the front nine.
Peace,
E
In a few short weeks I will be 42 years old. I have spent the last major portion of that time punishing my body by finding solace and companionship in unhealthy eating patterns.
There is a backstory to all this that I will share in time and as I feel led.
But I am committed to undoing, by the time I'm 45, that which I've taken almost 42 years to do. I so want the "back nine" of my life to be different that the front nine.
Peace,
E
Uh Oh
Might be a rough day. Woke up this a.m. hungry and thinking about food. Time to tame this beast before it gets outta control!
It still amazes me how much of my unconscious or unintentional thought life centers around food.
Peace,
E
It still amazes me how much of my unconscious or unintentional thought life centers around food.
Peace,
E
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead
Just watched this powerful documentary "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead" and would recommend it to anyone, skinny or fat, healthy or sick. Pretty disturbing & inspiring!
Peace,
E
Peace,
E
Monday, August 29, 2011
Tougher Day
Had a tougher day today. 1. I've managed to bring a cold home from camp. 2. I didn't space my food well (too much time between meals). But, as you'll see from my screenshot of my nutrition tracker, I'm still way under goal calories!
Peace,
E
Peace,
E
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Occupational Hazards
One of the occupational hazards of being a pastor is potluck suppers.
Tonight we had our church picnic. Tables were full of goodies.
I'm pleased to report that I actually did really well. When I got home, I went over my plate and recorded everything that went in my mouth.
I attempted to make good food choices, and well, according to my nutrition app I actually have been able to stay 945 calories under for the day! Yay me!
Peace,
E
Confessions
As I journey along this newfound path, I will, in an attempt to bring you into my world, offer some "Confessions" from time to time. Here is the first:
"I'd almost rather be a crack addict than a food addict."
Now before you protest and pontificate about how crack addiction is worse and far more deadly, let me offer the following insights.
We live in a culture in which food is an ever accessible and even culturally acceptable commodity. We live in a supersize world of ever expanding meal portions and waistbands. What I mean is this: If I were to come to your home, you would never stop and think about not offering me a snack, or if it's say for lunch or dinner, a full meal. But, if I came to your house, lit a crack pipe and smoked it in your home, odds are that I'd 1) be quickly ushered out and 2) probably never be invited back again.
Food addiction is the only addiction in which it is completely acceptable to indulge in anytime and any place.
Now, when I say food addiction, let me take a moment to define what I mean. No, I don't freebase Ho Hos and Twinkies. You'll never find me holed up in a room some where jamming candy bars down my gullet. What I mean when I say "food addiction" is that food is an escape, a welcome friend that never turns you down. It is the constant nagging and alluring mistress that you love and hate at the same time.
So yes, I'd rather be a crack addict, holed up somewhere snorting, snuffing and inhaling, only to come home, shower up and walk around with an invisible culturally unacceptable addiction, rather than one I wear every single day of my life; an addiction that our supersize culture taunts me with on a daily basis.
Peace,
E
"I'd almost rather be a crack addict than a food addict."
Now before you protest and pontificate about how crack addiction is worse and far more deadly, let me offer the following insights.
We live in a culture in which food is an ever accessible and even culturally acceptable commodity. We live in a supersize world of ever expanding meal portions and waistbands. What I mean is this: If I were to come to your home, you would never stop and think about not offering me a snack, or if it's say for lunch or dinner, a full meal. But, if I came to your house, lit a crack pipe and smoked it in your home, odds are that I'd 1) be quickly ushered out and 2) probably never be invited back again.
Food addiction is the only addiction in which it is completely acceptable to indulge in anytime and any place.
Now, when I say food addiction, let me take a moment to define what I mean. No, I don't freebase Ho Hos and Twinkies. You'll never find me holed up in a room some where jamming candy bars down my gullet. What I mean when I say "food addiction" is that food is an escape, a welcome friend that never turns you down. It is the constant nagging and alluring mistress that you love and hate at the same time.
So yes, I'd rather be a crack addict, holed up somewhere snorting, snuffing and inhaling, only to come home, shower up and walk around with an invisible culturally unacceptable addiction, rather than one I wear every single day of my life; an addiction that our supersize culture taunts me with on a daily basis.
Peace,
E
Tools
So to aid me in this new journey I've decided that I need some tools to guide me and chart my progress.
One of those I've found to be helpful is My Fitness Pal. It's an iPhone native app that syncs with a website. Membership is free and it seems to be quite comprehensive and robust.
Based on the info I entered it estimates that I can consume 3650 calories a day and lose 2 lbs per week. Actually is suggested I could consume a few more but I customized it to 3200.
Yesterday, 8/27/11 I consumed 1994 calories and still felt pretty good.
So, here's to one good day!
Peace,
E
One of those I've found to be helpful is My Fitness Pal. It's an iPhone native app that syncs with a website. Membership is free and it seems to be quite comprehensive and robust.
Based on the info I entered it estimates that I can consume 3650 calories a day and lose 2 lbs per week. Actually is suggested I could consume a few more but I customized it to 3200.
Yesterday, 8/27/11 I consumed 1994 calories and still felt pretty good.
So, here's to one good day!
Peace,
E
Do Over
Well about a year ago I set out, rather unsuccessfully on s journey to chronicle my road to better health.
Today I begin that journey again.
I will do my best to report daily (for all who'd care to follow) my ramblings about:
-how many calories I consumed
-how I'm relating emotionally to this experiment
-what exercise routine I've engaged in.
-and much, much more....
Stay tuned...
Peace,
E
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Today I begin that journey again.
I will do my best to report daily (for all who'd care to follow) my ramblings about:
-how many calories I consumed
-how I'm relating emotionally to this experiment
-what exercise routine I've engaged in.
-and much, much more....
Stay tuned...
Peace,
E
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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