For the last several weeks now, Lisa and I have become hooked on the Showtime Emmy winning series called Dexter. The writing of the show, combined with the complex emotions of the human struggle between good and evil can make for some fairly compelling television.
With that said, now let me just say at the outset that the show is rather graphic in nature and would probably carry a strong “PG-13” or even “R” rating if it was a movie. So parents, and adults, consider yourself strongly cautioned.
The show chronicles the life of one Dexter Morgan, a man who, as a child, witnessed his mothers brutal murder, and as a result of that event, it has significantly changed his life.
As a result, Dexter has grown into a sociopath; a serial killer with a conscience of sorts. Wrestling with what he calls his “Dark Passenger” this haunting drive to do “bad” things, he made a decision long ago to use his liability as a tool for, well, I guess one could call it “good” but I’m not sure that’s what I’d call it.
You see what Dexter does - and yes, he is an active serial killer - is kill evil (bad) people.
His keen mind and his “killer” instincts have landed him a job as a “Blood Spatter Analyst” for the Miami Police department. And, though his job, he has access to the records of the dark criminally evil underworld of the streets of Miami.
As one gets sucked into the show you begin to notice, after several episodes, that you find yourself, well, rooting for a serial killer. You begin to see in Dexter a sense and or presence of justice. The “code” he has chosen to live by prevents him from doing any harm to a truly innocent person. However, if you are an evil murderous person who has taken innocent life, Dexter then might be right on your tail.
One of the brilliant tools that the writers have introduced is this idea that I mentioned above: this "dark passenger." For Dexter the "dark passenger" is this inborn need to take life. It is a need that could be, if left unchecked, extremely destructive. Yet Dexter has managed to controls its primal instinct for good; for taking out bad guys, those who have succumbed to evil.
I think all of us have a "dark passenger." All of us have that part of our psyche or soul that would seek to lead us to do that which is least beneficial to ourselves or to others.
For some that "dark passenger" is alcohol addiction. For others, it is drugs. Still for others its sex, or shopping, or coveting, stealing or even hoarding.
For me, my "dark passenger" is an unhealthy relationship with food. My "dark passenger" entices me to cope with life, to sooth the stress of the day, to deny what's really going on at a deeper level, with food.
And I refused to let it win.
Like Dexter, I have come to keep mine in check with a "code;" a distinct commitment to make the lifestyle, emotional and spiritual adaptations necessary to overcome my interior break or weakness.
This week my "dark passenger" has been particularly LOUD.
I haven't been to the gym yet this week. This is the first time since mid-September. I've been sick and well, miserable. I've had a fever every night this past week except for last night. So I have listened to my body and rested a bit more. But I've been so afraid that this is it; that finally I've given up and won't go back. Now I know this isn't true but it sure feels like it.
My "dark passenger" has been attempting to convince me to "give up, let it go," and has even suggested that the "old way" was the better way.
But...I...refuse....to...let...him...win!
I've probably driven my wife nuts this week with my concerns that I haven't gone to the gym. I'm still eating well; I'm still keeping that part of the plan. But I'm terrified of going back to the "old way." I even asked my wife last night, " does my face look fatter? Does it look like I've gained weight?" To which she replied, "no."
I'm committed to making sure that my "dark passenger" doesn't win. What about you?
P.S. I plan to be back at the gym in the morning.
Peace,
E
Confession time....
